Being a Flute......SUCKS!!!
by Hello Kitty
Summary: Yeah, this is basically about how annoying it is being a flute/picc and it bashes low brass and trumpets, but not too much *evil grin*


Being a Flute....SUCKS!  
  
Ok, before I get into the whole lecture of how hard flutes have it, I will address some problems we have that we can correct.  
  
Angles: I'll admit, flutes are notorious for being lazy. I'm a piccolo player so its impossible not to keep it parallel. However, I DID play flute my freshman year. It takes some getting used to, but come on..how hard is it? I still keep it straight up when someone switches instruments with me. If you can't hold it up, I'll be the first to say, you're just plain lazy. Reputation: Flutes are the closest people to being in guard which are the closest to being cheerleaders. (Obviously, the last two are NOT good!!) Basic stereotype, right? Well you don't have to have it be that way. Actually, the girls in our band that acted like the little prissy chicks DID quit to be cheerleaders. If you don't like having this shitty reputation, change it..scream loud at football games, don't screech when called to attention and don't be lazy or complain, PLEASE.that's the thing that gets us most! Ok, we have a guy in the flute section, lets call him Patt Flittaker.you can imagine the hell he goes through..other sections demeaning his masculinity, even though I'm pretty sure he's a guy. Other stuff: Complaining sucks, being lazy sucks, marching like a penis sucks too. Of course, there's one in every section, unfortunately people like to think it's in the flute section, so be EXTRA careful you avoid all these things. Since you're in band, you might as well make the best of it. March like a fat annoying mean kid at practices like my friend and I do. When asked to count, say '11' really loud!! You'll definitely make the flutes the most original section. By being funny and creative, you forget about being lazy and you'll actually get more excited about band, therefore getting better and finally gaining respect!! Like I said, I'm a picc and I'm the second loudest screamer in the band (through a contest) so that scored points for us.  
  
Now for the stuff we just CAN'T do  
  
Left/Right Slides: Being that we play our instruments sideways, it's a little hard to do a left slide without cutting off your waist and re-gluing it in another position. As for right slides, you can't keep your shoulders parallel to the sideline unless you hold your flute like a trumpet (don't believe me, non-fluties? TRY IT GODDAMMIT!!) Playing Loud: Ok, we just can't. It might be helpful if the trumpets weren't blasting to death, but hey without them, what's a band? Flutes aren't made for being loud, and no matter how hard we try, it doesn't work, it just takes the note up an octave, sort of.  
  
Here's my happy little rambling section: Low brass are freaking idiots sometimes because they make fun of the flutes and piccs and it doesn't help that the band directors ALWAYS favor them! Trumpets blast over us because they think its funny. Clarinets and Saxes are always cool though. Drummers usually leave us alone and MOST of the time the mellies do too, so my only complaint is the director, low brass and trumpets. The time will come when your snotty attitudes will become dead-beat and we will prevail!!!!! Anyway. I'll give credit where credit is due: Baritones are cool because they put up with like 20 pounds of dead wait in front of them. That must suck in parades and shows and stuff. They're the only ones that have reason to complain (along with drummers b/c they never stop playing i.e. cadences, etc) But they always manage to keep good angles, so flutes shouldn't whine cause it could be muuuuch worse. You couldn't really call a band a 'band' without trumpets because there wouldn't be much sound without them, it's just annoying when they try to be better.  
  
I dunno why flutes are targeted exactly, but we are. Soooooo, just try your best and say you suck with enthusiasm!  
  
Oh yea, ride around in VW buses and plan world domination. MUAHAHHAAA!! 


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